It's been a very long time.

Since my last diary post, I have moved into a brand new unit in the same apartment complex. That happened in June. I've also acquired a couch, Instant Pot, and a cat since then. The cat's name is Squid, and she is a rambunctious motherfucker. She's always trying to eat my skin, or attack me around corners in my apartment, or wake me up in the middle of the night. I love her with all my heart. She is a completely dark cat -- not completley black though, she has spots of dark, dark brown -- and these wide, huge eyes.

Paul Cézanne -- Au bord d'une rivière (On the Banks of a River), 1904-1905

My Dad is currently in the ER for his autoimmune disesase -- I forgot the name of the disease in my previous diary entries, but I remember it now: Wegner's. Currently his heart was described to me by my stepmom as "being in danger." She called me yesterday in the middle of the night, in a panic, telling me that his oxygen was low and his heartrate was high. Before that call, I was hanging out with an old high school friend 'A', catching up on our lives in a Yemeni restaurant. He's from Gaza. I always feel the need to present that fact whenever I bring him up in conversation with others. Anyways, I was eating a chicken dish, and he was eating a lamb dish, and we were talking about the lives we were living. He was leaving Houston in a couple of days and wanted to meet up so that we could reunite before he left. He's one of the most personable people I know, and he's changed a lot since high school. He used to be very energetic and eccentrics -- now he was only a little of that, a lot more reserved. In the middle of our talk, my stepmom called me to tell me that she was taking my Dad to the ER. He had an elevated heartrate (170 BPM) and was concerned. I had gotten this call maybe about every one to two months, so I (regrettably) discarded it as routine. The first two times he went to the ER, it was very serious, however the following times he was in and out within 2-3 days. I told her to update me, said goodbye, and then continued my conversation with 'A'. He asked what was up, and I briefly gave a condensed explanation of the situation, and he got worried. I told him, 'It's fine. This happens once every one to two months. He's going to be fine.' It wasn't so.

After the midnight call -- I was in a deep sleep before it happened -- I put on a shirt, kissed my partner goodbye, and drove in the dark of night to the emergency room. When I got there, they had him on a BiPAP machine to help his breathing. Apparently this happened after he took medication to regulate his heartrate, which was in 'afib'. Every time he needed to take it off to feel more comfortable, his oxygen levels would plummet. It was a strange and depressing feeling, watching him there, struggling to keep up with the oxygen being pumped into his lungs by this machine. It looked very uncomfortable, there were tears streaming from his eyes. I tried to avoid looking at him and spent most of my visit with my eyes glued to his vitals, noting every time his heartrate jumped from 120 to 130, noting every time his oxygen would oscillate between 85 and 86. I was also very tired, and I kept momentarily dozing off while sitting in my chair. I was there for about 5 hours and 30 minutes, before I decided to go home and rest. My stepmom is a real trooper -- she probably hasn't slept yet.

George Ault -- A New York Skyline, 1921

I skipped work. I told my boss the situation, and she was very accommodating. She routinely asked throughout the day how me and my Dad were doing. I routinely told her the truth. I also had a haircut appointment scheduled (5:35pm) on the day this was all happening. I was debating whether or not I should still go -- already putting a down payment or deposite of $30, as well as a little convincing from my partner, I decided to go. I was about 15 minutes late because I took quite the long rest throughout the day, woke up at 3:45pm lazy and unmotivated, and didn't leave until 5:00pm. There was this awful backed up traffic on 610.

Finding my way into the salon, I met up with my barber and got through the haircut with success. This was my first professional haircut in about 7 years, and I made sure to mention that to her. I surprisingly was able to uphold the small talk for about 3/4 of the whole process before we hit a lull, and then it was kind of just silence until the final reveal at the end. I liked how it turned out. Maybe I would have asked her to keep it a little longer, but overall I'm happy. It felt weird to be satisfied on the same day as when my Dad went to the ER. I guess I feel a little ashamed of it. I find myself trying to curtail the other guy in my mind who's constantly trying to think about it. I don't want to think about it. But I need to.

By the way, I went to Vegas with some online friends last month. It was a lot of fun!

world happenings

Global stocks are falling in chaotic trading on worries that Democrats’ sweeping electoral victories across the US will herald a slowdown in the AI boom. European stocks were set to open lower on Friday, with futures for the Stoxx Europe 600 and London’s FTSE 100 both down 1 per cent, after US equities shed more than $3tn overnight. In Japan, the tech-heavy Nikkei 225 index slid 6 per cent, while South Korea halted trading for 20 minutes after the Kospi tumbled 8.5 per cent. Oil prices rose back above $100 a barrel as investors questioned whether the Democrats’ victory would raise the chances of an end to the war in the Middle East. -- Financial Times

I have finally moved out of my house and into a (nice!) apartment.

It took a while, and it was the most stressful thing I have ever tried to accomplish in my life, but we did it. I have been agonizing over this apartment for the past month now, and every step throughout the way, I was instilled with doubt -- can I do this? Am I allowed to do this? What if I don't end up doing this? Should I live with my parents forever? But now all of those thoughts have been put to bed, and I am currently sitting in the living room (that I pay money for) typing away on my computer on the Wi-Fi that I set up, on the desk that I built with my hands. Everything has paid off for me. I genuinely can't believe this is my life.

Franz Marc -- Cottages on the Dacau Marsh

The move-out process was probably the most headache-inducing thing I have ever had to go through. I was worried about so many things -- so many insecurities about how this even worked, whether or not I had all the stuff needed, whether I was prepared mentally to go through this -- so many things.

The previous nights before the move-in, Bree and I had started packing up all of the things (clothes, trinkets, electronics, etc.) into boxes that my Dad had left for us over the week. If there is one thing that I truly hated about this whole process, it had to be packing things. You don't realize how many things you need, and how they don't fit neatly into half-meter x half-meter boxes until you start putting them in those boxes. We were scouring through cabinets and closets and trying to organize it all neatly to where when we eventually reached the apartment, we would be able to neatly unpack them and put organize them in an orderly fashion. Not excited to do this again when I move out in the future.

One of the other things that gave me headaches was trying to figure out how to set up my electricity. Not sure if this is the standard, but for this apartment complex you had to choose your own electric plan and have it active under your name on move-in date. In my previous apartment, that stuff was already handled because the onus would be on the apartment itself to figure that out, and then you would pay those bills on top of your rent in the Resident Portal. But whatever. That was in College Station, so it was probably way more streamlined for college students who don't know how to do anything. This is real Adult Shit. Anywho, my apartment complex is partnered with TXU Energy, so I set it up a week before with them on a pretty decent plan. But two days later, when I checked to see if it was active, there was an error on their website and mobile app to where I couldn't even view what plan I was on. So I called customer service, and was met with a pretty nice representative who asked what my problem was.

I told him that I couldn't see what my plan was.

He told me If I was a returning customer, or a new customer.

I told him I was new.

And so, forty minutes were spent on him getting me on this brand new plan, one that was more expensive, and one that was not the one that I had set up previously. But me, being a too-scared-to-send-back-the-food kind of guy, just sat through everything -- until he said that he couldn't even set up the plan because the service would be active a day after my move-in date (and if you remember what I had said before, I needed this active on the same move-in date. The day after I was able to get with another customer service agent and get my first plan set up and discontinue whatever new bullshit the other guy gave me. But I wish I didn't have to do any of that. Oh, and also they didn't send me a proof of service to show the apartment manager on the day of the move-in, so I had to call and request one be sent to me a day before I had to move in. Ugh!

Paul Klee -- Cat and Bird

After moving everything in, which took a lot of elevator trips, the unit looked like it was furnished with cardboard boxes. So I decided to try and put the bed together just to get a real furniture piece up and visible. I struggled so hard, so I just called my Dad to come over and help. Then Bree's sister and her husband also came over to help, which was great because it sped up the process. By evening, pretty much every table and console and my bed was put together. It was all coming together. To celebrate, I went out with Bree and her sister and her sister's husband to eat at a very yummy wing place. I had their Zesty Hot Honey chicken wings and they were soooooooooo good. Then her sister was feeling generous and bought us a shit ton of stuff for our apartment -- bathroom organizers and bath mats and whatnot. She is such a generous and kind soul, it's crazy. She's awesome.

What a crazy week for me. The University of Houston also won against Duke in the Final Four. I watched that with 'N' and 'G' at Kirby Ice House. A top 3 experience probably. People were going crazy. Smiling through it all.

world happenings

There was little rest on Wall Street this weekend. There was plenty of anger, anxiety, frustration, and fear.

Anger at President Trump for a brash and chaotic rollout of tariffs that erased trillions of dollars in value from the stock market in two days. Anxiety about the state of the private equity industry and other colossal funds with global investments. Frustration among Wall Street’s elite at their sudden inability to influence the president and his advisers.

And fear of what may come next.

Hedge funds tallied up their losses, and bragged if they only lost a little. Bankers and lawyers tore up already sparse calendars for deal making, reasoning that no chief executive would risk a big merger or public offering soon. Major banks played out emergency scenarios to guess whether one client or another would fail in the cascading effects of an international trade war.

In conversations with The New York Times over the weekend, bankers, executives and traders said they felt flashbacks to the 2007-8 global financial crisis, one that took down a number of Wall Street’s giants. Leaving out the brutal, but relatively short-lived market panic that erupted at the start of the coronavirus pandemic, the velocity of last week’s market decline — stocks fell 10 percent over just two days — was topped only by the waves of selling that came as Lehman Brothers collapsed in 2008.

Like then, the breadth of the sudden downdraft — with oil, copper, gold, cryptocurrencies and even the dollar caught up in the sell-off — has Wall Street’s biggest players wondering which of their competitors and counterparties was caught off guard. Banks have asked trading clients to post additional funds if they want to continue borrowing money to trade — so-called margin calls that haven’t nearly reached the level of a generation earlier but are nonetheless causing unease.

-- New York Times

The coming weeks will most likely be the biggest turning points in my life. I am moving out (potentially) for the second time in my life, this time with Bree. Just to reminisce, when I first moved out to College Station, the stakes were a lot lower. Rent was $500 a month (what a steal in retrospect) -- and sure, it was about an hour and a half drive away from my family, but I could always depend on them to cover me if I didn't have the funds to. It was kind of like going to college, but without the college. Now, I'm doing it for real. I am signing a lease and living completely independent from my family. I have a job, I have way more responsibility, way more bills to pay -- this is the real deal.

The most nerve-racking part of doing all this is actually doing it. For what feels like years now, Bree and I have been basically planning our whole life together: sending each other TikToks on apartment tips, furniture recommendations, apartment listings in the Houston area; we were dreaming, looking back on it, a little beyond our means. But now, those dreams are within reach, with my recent raise, and with the opportunities to move out being opened up by Essential Housing programs pushed by a couple of leasing agencies in the area.

Edvard Munch -- Omega's Flight (Omegas flukt), 1908-09

I had some maybe naive confidence in myself before we had started the process of deciding to move out -- I had done it before, why would I be scared to do it again? But when it came time to actually do it, I found myself more nervous than ever.

It all started when one day, as I was driving home from work, I thought, Huh. Even though 'V' can no longer move in with us, what's really stopping us? After running through all the potential numbers in my head, I landed half-footedly on the answer: nothing, really. And so, I immediately got on my computer the moment I got home and looked up this apartment locator service I had tried to use maybe a year ago, but chickened out because I wasn't ready yet. I filled out their form -- asking for my desired rent, location, etc. -- to create a card for myself, and was almost instantly reached out to by my apartment locator, 'J'. I think she's around our age, which was comforting, because this whole thing definitely would have been way more stressful and nerve-racking if she wasn't personable. She asked for more clarification on my price range, and I said around the $900-$1100 mark. In like 30 minutes she went through her database and picked out actual capital L 'Luxury' apartments that somehow didn't show up on the Apartments.com or Zillow listings that Bree and I browsed when we were shopping with 'V'.

We set up a tour with a couple of the apartments, and at first, I was starting to doubt the validity of apartment locators because the service there was legitimately awful. We showed up on time (which Bree and I rarely do) and waited for like 25 minutes before our tour guide arrived at the front desk. During that waiting period, we checked their Google reviews and Good Lord were they bad. Every review within the past 3 months had 1 star ratings, with tenants complaining about how awful the management was recently after it changed, that their vehicles were routinely getting broken into, and that in particular our tour guide/manager was kind of an asshole. For 'luxury' apartment standards, it was not very well-kempt -- so after the tour concluded, we decided against continuing to the application process.

After maybe about two rounds of getting e-mailed apartment listings and scheduling tours, we landed on two different units from two different leasing companies that were pretty much perfect for us -- well within our price range and with ratings & reviews with at least a 50% rating in the past 3 months.

František Kupka -- The Book Lover

After a very arduous application process -- me "losing" around $190 because I applied to two apartments at once, because when applying to the apartment Bree and I both agreed on, the unit disappeared from the application -- and so losing my mind and panicking, deciding to apply to the second option because I didn't want it to slip through my fingers -- then finding out later on that unit hadn't actually disappeared and was being held for us, but only on the application that was sent to us via e-mail -- we are now waiting on the approval from the first option before we decide on picking either one. The second option kind of seems desperate for us to move in, since I've gotten a total of 15 and counting e-mails from them, but the first option is cheaper and, from the looks of it, safer in terms of vehicle protection. Plus, renter's insurance is included in the residential fees.

All in all, I'm both nervous and excited. I get to live in a space that's truly mine (and Bree's, though she's not moving in for another couple of months) now. Here goes.

world happenings

President Trump has signed a new executive order that would require prospective voters to show proof of U.S. citizenship to register to vote. The order's sweeping changes test the power of Trump's presidential authority. Voting rights advocates worry the new provisions could block millions of Americans from voting if enacted, and say Trump lacks the legal authority to make such changes.The order claims the United States "fails to enforce basic and necessary election protections."The order calls for updating the federal form voters can use to register to vote, to include a requirement that voters show proof of citizenship, like a passport, to a local or state official. States have long had considerable leeway in how they manage their elections. The federal government has been able to set some minimum standards for federal races, though typically via legislation. The order also requires states to remove noncitizens from voter rolls, calls for states and federal agencies to share data to prosecute election crimes, and grants federal agencies, including to the head of the Department of Government Efficiency team, access to check state rolls "for consistency with Federal requirements." It also directs federal agencies to share data with states, such as immigration and Social Security records, to facilitate states checking the eligibility of the names on their voter rolls. Voting rights advocates, however, warn outdated databases can erroneously list naturalized citizens as noncitizens. Past efforts by states to purge noncitizens from voter rolls have sometimes swept up eligible U.S. citizens. The executive order also seeks to stop states from counting mail or absentee ballots postmarked by Election Day but received after by withholding funding from states that allow such ballots to be counted. -- NPR

I've officially had my first runaway pet. Bean ran out when I was bringing the groceries in, and she hadn't been out of the house in a while, so I let her roam a bit. And then she never came back.

I've been stressing and worrying about her the past couple of days. . .it feels like a week. . .I was posting all over different Facebook community groups and DM'ing people and looking through the directories of local animal shelters -- and nothing. And I'm starting to come to terms with that. She's a cat, maybe she just likes being outside. I'm worried that she may be lost, or that she's hungry, or that she's dead, but now I'm not worried. There's no point in worrying because it will kill me and I don't want to die.

So for now, I'll leave the back door cracked open -- plus, I've left her blankie out just in case she catches the scent of it -- and I'll watch basketball games and listen to podcasts and continue to live my life. Today, I went out with Bree to Buc-ee's, got some egg rolls on accident instead of corndogs, and drank strawberry milk. Then, we went to Goodwill and got a real good haul compared to the other times we've been to Goodwill. I got a nice green button-up, Bree got two plushies (Doraemon and Chococat). A nice way to spend the evening. I'm excited to see her tomorrow.

Franz Marc -- Kämpfende Formen (Fighting Forms)

Before all of this happened though with Bean, I was also going through a bit of turmoil with moving out of my house. Bree, 'V', and I had planned in the past to move in together for a couple months now -- creating Excel spreadsheets listing all of our expenses and necessary items, late night browsing of Apartments.com, sending each other moving in TikToks. We were having fun, until recently 'V' came to us and had extenuating circumstances that would not allow her to move in with us anymore. So that sucks, because we would pay much less with three on the lease compared to just me and Bree. But there's positives: now, we don't have to be limited in decoration or negotiations with an extra person in the apartment. And we would have the place to ourselves *wink*.

Amadeo Cardoso -- Village Market in Cardoso

world happenings

Investors may be losing stomach for all the churn. Even after Mr. Trump suspended some tariffs and paused others, the S&P 500 declined 1.8 percent. That brought the week’s decline to 3.6 percent. Sell-offs have wiped out virtually all the gains since Mr. Trump was elected in November.

Harder to measure is the damage done to the fabric of America’s alliances. Canada accounts for a small slice of the fentanyl coming into the United States, yet it jointly operates the primary air defense network for North America — NORAD. It is also a crucial provider of intelligence as a member of the “Five Eyes,” the club of nations that share the secrets they dig up around the world.

So it was notable when Mr. Trudeau, clearly annoyed at how Mr. Trump calls him “governor,” said the other day that the Trump administration was imposing tariffs because it “wants to see a collapse of the Canadian economy because that would make it easier to annex us.” -- New York Times

Things are going pretty well for good ol' me. It's been a long time coming. Boss let me know that I got a raise to a exorbitant $17/hr. I'm looking at moving out within the next 6 months, which is going to be amazing because I'm moving it with Bree and a friend! The last time I moved out with a friend it was awful because 1.) I met him online and only met with him once before packing up and 2.) He was not as cool of a roommate as he was a League of Legends carry. Anyways, moving in with Bree is going to be so amazing because we won't have to go through the hug and cry ritual every weekend when I have to drive her back home at 9:30 -- we will be together. . .forever. . .

My dad and his wife are moving out of the house on Monday, but since the lease doesn't end before then, me and my brother get to stay behind and have the house to ourselves. It's kind of annoying to have to hear this news from the mouths of my younger siblings instead of the man himself, but whatever. Gives me the freedom to yell and scream and shout whatever I want without the worry of bother other people. I hope Bean gets to stick behind.

Eugene Boudin -- Deauville, the Harbor

Short diary entry today -- we beat the Denver Nuggets (without Jokic) but it still feels like a good win. Jalen Green is giving me too much hope man. . .I want to believe this time, I truly do, but history would tell me otherwise. The Rockets are the 2nd seed in the West though! Yipee! Amen Thompson is such a tremendous talent and athlete. I can't wait for that year 4 leap where he truly becomes the greatest player this sport has ever seen. A new year, a new Rockets. Love it.

world happenings

Middle East political analyst Omar Baddar spoke to Al Jazeera earlier about the Gaza ceasefire deal. Here is more of what Baddar had to say: “President Biden by his own admission is saying that this is the same deal that he presented earlier. And, yet, Israel rejected the deal the last time that President Biden proposed it,” Baddar told Al Jazeera. “That’s because they opted to destroy Gaza instead. Spending most of [last] year doing exactly that. It was to fulfil a genocidal project that they have actually carried out in actions,” Baddar said. “President Biden did not just go along with it or let them do it, he actually armed and funded that genocide with additional billions in military funding for Israel,” he said. The US also intervened at the UN to veto any effort to impose a ceasefire on Israel, Baddar added. “So no matter how much Biden tries to spin this as somehow an achievement for him. Biden’s legacy is unquestionably one of blocking a ceasefire and arming and funding this genocide that has lasted for over 15 months. That is essentially what Biden’s legacy is.” -- Al Jazeera

Dad got remarried today to 'A'. Woke up today, afternoon-ish, continued to tinker with the website a bit after staying up until 5 a.m. this morning slaving away at it. With every iteration of this forsaken project I keep devolving down to simplifying its form over and over and over again. There was an initial 'domination' of feeling of trying to remain distinct from other websites while trying to stick to the "Neocities culture" of preserving some, if not authentic, aesthetic principles of the old web. Though there is no real explicit proclamation of such things from a single, primary source, it did seem to permeate the About Me sections of a lot of the sites that I browsed when I was first discovering about Neocities: "make your site yours", etc. etc.

However, whatever "yours" meant to me before has changed over the past year and a half (wow, crazy to think it's been that long!). I wanted to make something and signal to others that I was 'dedicated to the greater project of Neocities' and that I would forgo all of my previous aesthetic tendencies towards the design principles that are the progeny of Web3--minimalism, the primacy of UX, etc. But now, I just kind of want something that looks nice and that I can edit easily, which meant reducing the number of elements that made my site unique, that made it authentic. Now, everything has been deconstructed down to bitmap images and font-family: 'MS UI Gothic' at font-size: 14px.

Willem de Kooning -- Two Figures in a Landscape (1967)

Back to the day: Before the wedding I took the girls to Target to buy 'V' a bra, and for me, a bag of Tru Fruit--the frozen strawberry kind. I've been having horrible allergies lately. Constantly I have to rub my eyes and blow my nose and--if no tissues are available--snort my snot back up into my nasal cavity until I have a tissue to blow it out into. My woes only seem to manifest in the right side of my face: my right eye, which is forever itchy, and my right nostril, which is forever congested. Anyways, at Target both were attacking me.

We got home and I changed and Bree changed and we drove to the wedding. I happened to miss an exit so we were about 3 minutes late. It took place at a public park, at the public park's gazebo and garden. I sported a tucked-in polo shirt, black jeans, and dress shoes. Bree wore a black dress and fashioned my sweater for sleeves. Dad had asked me to record the entire ceremony, which I failed to do because a part of the ceremony required me to bow my head, close my eyes, and pray. 'V' was sobbing during the wedding vows, which set a weird atmosphere because they were very obviously not 'happy tears'. We took family pictures, uttered our 'Congratulations!' and drove to IHOP for dinner. I had their Cinnamon Bun crepes and a caramel apple lemonade. The lemonade was okay.

Henri Matisse -- The Breton Weaver (1895)

Desperately excited for the NBA season to start back up. All of our guys are back--Tari Eason and Steven Adams and Jabari are all here to play. I haven't been able to catch a preseason game yet because I've just been so busy, but from the couple of minutes worth of Instagram Reel clips posted by the official Houston Rockets Instagram Page, I can, with blind confidence, say that we are at least making it to the play-ins this season. Really excited to see how Sheppard performs during the official season; from all the clips I've seen from him he looks like a pure shooter. Seems like a real valuable off-the-bench player.

world happenings

The IDF has reportedly widened its northern Gaza assault, cutting the Beit Hanoun, Beit Lahiya, and Jabalia areas off from Gaza city and advancing into the city’s northern suburbs. It’s been nine days since the IDF began what appears to be an attempt to cleanse northern Gaza of human life (temporarily, Israeli officials insist) and according to Palestinian authorities the death toll in this operation stands at 300 and counting. That’s only an estimate, because the lack of functioning medical facilities and the inability of first responders to get to places where the IDF has been rampaging prevent any sort of accurate casualty count. Likewise there’s no real insight into humanitarian conditions but they’re surely dire given the dearth of aid getting into the area. -- Foreign Exchanges

Around a week and a half ago, me, my siblings, my dad, and his girlfriend went to Colorado Springs to celebrate and mourn the death of my grandpa. The flight was from HOU to DEN, it was at around 3:00pm when we got to our gate, and it took about 2 hours(?) to fly. This time, I didn't sleep on the flight--instead, I read through about fifty pages of The Deficit Myth: Modern Monetary Theory and the Birth of the People's Economy by Stephanie Kelton, a 'pop economy' book about Modern Monetary Theory. It's a "modern" theory on money, particularly money in the US, and how we should flip our perceptions of it completely. The thesis, or, main point of the theory, is that because of the transition from US currency being backed by gold to fiat currency--money that is issued by the state--the government doesn't need to manage its budget in a way that a typical household would. Every year there is talk about The Deficit, and that it keeps getting way too big. However, because we issue our own currency, it doesn't necessarily matter how much we spend--as long as we have counteractive measures to handle inflationary pressures: taxes, issuing federal jobs, etc. It's a lot, and I'm definitely not doing justice in explaining it and I certainly haven't finished the book. No matter.

We landed in Denver close to midnight and waited for our bus to come pick us up from the airport. Denver is probably the coolest airport I've been to. The terminal we walked through was very large and vast, and you make your way to the different pick-up spots through underground train. Above the onboarding doors are these Mesoamerican-esque structures: stone (at least made too look like it) levels dashed with ferns and foliage, all supported by tunnels that run throughout the airport.

Fedor Vasilyev -- Sea with ships (1873)

After our bus picked us up and drove us to their rental car area, we sat for about maybe 1-2 hours waiting for my dad to incrementally make his way up the line to rent a car. It was a nice van, I don't remember the brand or model, but it looked and smelled good--however we would have troubles with later throughout the weekend. From there on, we drove and I slept and so did the others. We arrived at my grandpa's old house, now empty. I slept in one of the guest rooms on a floral-decorated set of bedsheets and pillows. The next day, I woke up and rotted for 3 hours. Our cousins were going to arrive a couple hours after lunch time, so I waited until lunch to walk over to my uncle's house just a street down. We ate these ribs, which were middling to say the least, and talked about stuff and whatnot. I noticed my dad's girlfriend staying a bit quiet, which I understand, since she's very new to the family. I did hear from my uncles though that they liked how my dad finally found someone he could laugh with.

I wrapped up lunch and walked back to grandpa's house, in which I rotted for a couple more hours until I got a call from my dad that my cousins had made it to my uncle's house. For further clarification, because there's quite a few uncles, I'll refer to this uncle as Uncle 'D'--the other uncles will be referred to as Uncle 'N' and 'S'. I was excited to see my cousins since I hadn't seen them in about 2-3 years. A bit of history with them: I had been quite a depressing cousin to be around for them. Whenever we would have a family reunion, I would resort to siphoning myself off from them when they hung out, sitting by myself, whether it be in their camper or church-house, on my phone or reading a book. I was a little anti-social and anti-family at the time, but since then I've matured and gained the ability to talk to them without reserve. They've grown up significantly since the last time I saw them. When I entered Uncle 'D's house, they were all having boy talk, particularly cousin 'A', who had recently broken up with her ex-boyfriend. It was fun to talk about relationship stuff with them, since I'd never done so before. We talked all night, and 'P' flew in and joined us as well.

'P's story was interesting in particular. Apparently, he was notified of grandpa's death in the middle of his training camp for The Army, meaning he had to wrestle with the emotions while trekking through some of the worst weather conditions and with the heaviest load he bore on his back. When he was given the funeral date, he immediately booked a flight without permission from his commanding officers, which 'P' says: You are not supposed to do things like that. Nonetheless, he was determined to make it to Colorado, permission or not. However, doing so, would result in him considered as going AWOL (absent without official leave), which has serious ramifications when you're trying to get into the military. He had to fight a serious and arduous battle:

But that's what he did--he fought up the chain of command until they approved it. He called it a 'miracle'. By that point, he was already two hours behind and almost didn't make it to his flight, but I'm glad that he did because he is by far my funniest cousin.

Frederic Edwin Church -- Aurora Borealis (1865)

The next day was the day of the funeral service. We had a nice little breakfast in the morning, and then we hung out and talked at grandpa's house. We got dressed: I wore the same suit I wore for my other grandpa's funeral, this time with 'P's tie. He tied it for me because I don't know how to. On our drive to the funeral service, the rental car suddenly displayed an ERROR status on the dashboard, and then stopped at the intersection. For 10-15 minutes, we scrambled to Google to find out what happened and how to fix it and found that this particular model had to be recalled two years ago for this exact issue. Then, it suddenly started working again and we drove to the church where the service was being held.

The moment I walked in, I immediately wanted to cry. Grandpa's picture was propped up and staring at me. It was the first time that someone I was close to, someone I genuinely felt connected to, passed. I kept the tears in though--for some strange reason, perhaps to keep up decorum, I felt it was immature to cry before anything had even started. When the service started though, I was a wreck. It was a particular section of the reading of his obituary: they accompanied it with a slideshow of pictures of Grandpa throughout his life, and a picture of me & my family showed up, back when I was maybe 8 or 9. I just let it all out and 'P' comforted me while I sobbed and sobbed. I had never cried that hard before.

Some more stuff happened, but that info's between us cousins *wink emoji*.

world happenings

An IDF airstrike near the Lebanese border in Syria killed four people on Wednesday, according to the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights. In a departure from its usual radio silence, the IDF did claim responsibility for this attack and said that it took out a “significant” member of the Palestinian Islamic Jihad militant group. PIJ said that three of its fighters had been killed while Hezbollah said that one of its fighters was killed, which would account for the fourth casualty. -- Foreign Exchanges

Over last weekend, my Grandpa was lying in a hospital bed, and then eventually died. I felt grief; but however sad, it wasn't extreme. I just want to document things.

We left on Wednesday and drove to Hobby airport. And I like the airport: it's an atmosphere or vibe that only exists within its confines; there are lines and machines and it's really, really big. On our way to our gate, I passed by a coffee shop and on the menu there was a sparkling passion fruit black tea that I desperately wanted to try, but the line was so long and my Grandpa was sick, so I decided to quench myself with will. I brought with me Wuthering Heights, the Gothic novel by Emily Brontë, which is a difficult read, to me, a 20-year-old with, at most, a high-school reading level; so far I've only read to Chapter V.

After a while we make it onto the plane. I slept for most of the flight--it was a layover flight, but we didn't need to leave the plane: both flights continued with the same pilot. When we landed in Colorado Springs, my uncle was there, and he had a smile (toothy!) and he hugged me, my siblings, and my dad; and when we got in the car (an early Tesla model T or whatever), he did not hesitate to give us updates on Grandpa's condition. I'm not sure if he's autistic, but his way of speaking inclines me to believe he is--his matter-of-factness about the situation, his placid tone when discussing the potential death of Grandpa, etc. We went to his house to eat and we ate spring rolls and I drank this tasty drink from the Philippines, Calamensi, a lime-flavored juice drink.

Thomas Eakins -- The Agnew Clinic (1889)

Grandma was there. She had a scary incident of a stroke a couple of years ago, which resulted in her being a bit delirious and forgetful. Sometimes she forgets who I am, which is okay, because she still carries with her the usual jubilant friendliness. She only remembers how to speak in Vietnamese, so my uncles translate for her. When me and my siblings arrived, we introduced ourselves one by one, and she (according to the mouth of my uncles) complimented our looks, which my uncle explained: In her current state, all she cares about is looks. She complimented my hair, and my face, for my sister her nose.

'P' came down from the Air Force Academy to meet us, cause we haven't seen him in a while (I think about 2-3 years). We talked about a lot of things: his girlfriend, marriage, death, other stuff. Something I like about 'P' is his overwhelming joyousness. The guy likes to smile, and laugh, and he certainly doesn't like it when things get sad. It makes him a bit non-confrontational sometimes. We went on a hike with 'P', somewhere near Garden of the Gods, and we discussed the possibility of a Japan trip with the rest of the cousins on my father's side. The financial planning is that we all save around $1500 (relative to inflation--2024 to whenever we decide to go) and when the exchange rates are good again we book a flight and explore Tokyo for a couple days. On route back, we split into two camps: Me, 'P' and 'R', and the rest, Dad, my two uncles, and the kids (aged below 18). He asked me about my dad's conservative leanings, to which I broke his disillusionment by reiterating some of the wack-o beliefs he holds, such as the fact that the Covid vaccines would result in an End-of-Evangelion-style Event, and that The Holocaust was not actually the bureaucratic genocide of 6 million Jews, but a minor Covid-like event in which 180,000 died from the flu.

Cy Twombly -- [Untitled] (No.6) (1971)

Friday afternoon we went to go see Grandpa, and he was doing well considering the circumstances. His heart rate was high, but his oxygen levels only deviated between 90-97%, which was not the case the morning of. We spent a couple hours in the hospital room, just looking at the numbers change on the screen next to him, accompanied by his exasperated breaths that didn't make it past his respirator. For being in his 80's, he was strong man.

My uncles stood around him and cried, and I cried too. There was a point during our visit in which they discussed the possibility of feeding him, because he was not given any nutrition in the past 3 days due to the risk of him choking or not breathing when off his respirator. Uncle 'D' consulted with one of the nurse practitioners to run an experiment they previously had run a couple days ago: see how long he can breathe without the aid of the respirator. His record was about 10 minutes, and the leading physician "promised" that if he ever beat that record significantly, they would attempt to give him food. So we ran the experiment, and he exceeded 10 minutes by miles. In fact, we left before the experiment was done to get ice cream (around the 30 minute mark). It was funny, and a bit wholesome to see my uncle 'N' keep repeating how impressed he was. He kept saying things like, 'His numbers were never this good before,' and other things along those lines.

Well, we went home, and went to sleep, and the next morning Grandpa passed. I got the text an hour before I woke up, which was around 10:30am. That night we had dinner at a sushi restaurant, and we reminisced, as grieving families do, with pictures and stories and such. It was strange, because there was an air that this sort of thing was inevitable, even with the optimistic results of Grandpa's 'experiment', but I think deep down we all knew this would eventually happen. He lived a full life, and may he rest in peace.

I'm going to see him again this weekend. I leave Thursday, and am sort of dreading the experience. He wanted to be cremated and spread amongst the ocean or mountains, so we chose the mountains (because there are no oceans in Colorado Springs).

Edgar Degas -- Horse Tied to a Tree (1873–1880)

Now we're here today. My dad's new girlfriend got me a car, and I don't really know how to feel about it. It's a Nissan Maxima (I think the year is around 2008?) and it's a major, major improvement over my 2001 Toyota Camry--with 300,000 miles on it--but I'm at the point in my life where I feel like I've gotten plenty that I don't deserve, so this gift doesn't really fall sweet on my tongue, no matter how grateful I am for it. The reason she gave it to me, she told me, was because of a talk I had with my dad about how 'the world is fucked' (basically) and that with that the future is uncertain for me and Bree. I was being a nihilistic prick, countering my dad's arguments to be optimistic with mentions of rising interest rates, economic turmoil, stuff going on in Gaza, etc. In retrospect, I was being perverse about it, and that perverseness seems stronger with a new car attached to its hip.

Anyways: Bree, forgive me for not sleeping.

world happenings

Palestinian officials are reporting that an early morning Israeli airstrike on another school-turned-shelter in Gaza killed some 100 or more people on Saturday. The Israeli military (IDF) has acknowledged the strike but claims the school was being used as a Hamas headquarters—there are apparently an infinite number of these—and is rejecting the Palestinian casualty count. Israeli officials insist they used (US-made, of course) “precision munitions,” which is sort of beside the point as the Palestinians are saying the strike precisely targeted a large crowd of civilians at morning prayer. The strike drew widespread international condemnation and even a bit of mild scolding from the Biden administration, though US officials were careful to include the usual bromides about Israel’s right to defend itself and Hamas’s alleged use of civilian shields. Israeli officials were so cowed by the US blowback that they announced an expansion of their latest ground operation in Khan Younis, which has already displaced somewhere around 75,000 people. -- Foreign Exchanges

Some catchup on events long gone--there was a tropical storm that hit the heart (and electric grid) of Texas, so much so that around 2 million Texans were without power. Unfortunately, I was one of those 2 million, which meant that for a week-ish, I had to deal with batteries and flashlights and restless siblings and no A/C. L was constantly berating me with his expressed boredom, interjecting my reading time, and honestly just being a nuisance in general.

It went down as so: a board of scientists (probably those that specialize in Weather; weather-people as a friend would call them) had determined that Texas, our coastal sisters, et. al. were to bear the brunt of a Category One Hurricane, which is, according to said weather-people, the weakest type of hurricane. However, there was a miscalculation made on their part: a miscalculation that it would make itself onto land, and through Science and Such become a Tropical Storm, which is bad and, as proven through how I lived, much too powerful for the infrastructure of Texas. It slayed thousands of power-lines as well as trees, backyard fences, roofing, big trees, and small trees, and whatnot.

Felix Vallotton -- The Wind (1910)

Post-Tropical Storm life was pretty grim. With no electricity due to the strange idea of Texan urban planners to have an electric grid entirely separate from the one that every other American has, 2 million Texans, as mentioned before, were without power and Internet, which meant there was no way to text or call or be online. This was an especially costly blow to my siblings, who spend most of their time texting or calling or being online.

So, thanks to my Dad's girlfriend, 'A' (Let's veer off here, actually. For a while now, I had suspected that my lonely Dad had gotten a girlfriend since the divorce three years ago--it feels like it was just yesterday!--through his church network; my suspicions were a new character that would hang around a lot: 'S'. They would call all the time and were the responsible party for our turtles if we were ever out the house. But now, there's 'A', a character that had just been introduced not even a week ago, that seems to be a loiterer whenever my Dad is home. My suspicions of this new character being the new girlfriend were proven correct when 'L', last week, just flat out asked me if I knew.) allowed my Dad and my two younger siblings to stay at her house because power had come back on two days post-disaster.

I had to stay back at the powerless house, just to be there if it ever decided to resuscitate. 'R' was here too, my other brother. A major 'thorn' though, was that my Mom had left to go to Vietnam for a month (To branch off again, there was an incident at Dad's pre-disaster that led to me having to leave Bree's birthday celebration with her family. I had gotten a phone call mid-candle-blow from Mom, who sounded distraught when I picked up, crying and sputtering about how 'Dad had pulled a camera out when [she] came to pick up 'L' and 'V', and that [she] didn't know what was going on.' So, through my clenched teeth, I opted to drive 40 minutes back to where I had just come from and talk to my Dad about this incident. In short, 'L' was feeling down after some, I'm assuming, harsh banter with his online friends, souring his mood. Because of this, he no longer wanted to see Mom, but she was not made aware of why he didn't. So stuff happens and Dad pulls out his phone camera--he justifies doing so because, in his mind, it would act as a buffer to keep Mom from escalating knowing she was being recorded--and then Mom barges in 'L's bedroom, raises her voice a little, and then leaves after fifteen minutes of not being able to break through to him. Then that's it, she's off to Vietnam.). Conveniently, her vacation in Vietnam started before the storm hit, which meant that because her power went out, I was responsible for its maintenance, which inclines me to certain 'chores': clean out the fridges and freezers of spoiled food, come by every day to see if power ever comes back, and water the plants.

Paul Cox -- Flâneries (2013)

Okay, to be honest, I am getting bored of talking about the tropical storm. In frankness, not much changed in my lifestyle other than charging my phone in the car and finishing off Franny and Zooey by Salinger, which, if you haven't heard, is a delight. It might have impacted how I write a little too much, which almost certainly will stabilize back to normal after a couple weeks of abstinence.

I think I say this every post, but I am so excited for the future of The Rockets. We drafted Sheppard at the third, and he's been paying dividends in the Summer League, dropping 21 points, I believe, whilst displaying sparks of sharp play-making and impressive basketball IQ. Him and Whitmore are going to be cold-blooded killers when the season starts.

world happenings

This past Sunday was the hottest day ever recorded, according to the European Union’s Copernicus Climate Change Service. The average planetary temperature that day topped out at 17.09 degrees Celsius (62.76 degrees Fahrenheit), breaking a record set—you guessed it—last year. Prior to last year the previous record average temperature high for a single day was 16.8 degrees Celsius, set in 2016. According to Copernicus, the planet has surpassed that temperature 57 times over the past year. -- Foreign Exchanges

This happened a while ago, but I hate the Boston Celtics. With them winning the championship, the next decade of annoying ad nauseam gloating will bellow from the underbelly of the city of Boston, spreading and emanating basketball fascism across this God forsaken country. Fuck you Jayson Tatum I hate you so much and Payton Pritchard please leave and join the Spurs I beg of you.

I hung out with friends today: P, M, and B. Every once a month we decide to gather for dinner, which is nice, because it's once a month. Today, we hung out at JINYA, a ramen chain restaurant located in The Heights. It sits right next to a Hopdoddy's and a bakery. I ordered the Tonkotsu BLACK and--after some serious pondering--a strawberry lemonade.

We discussed some stuff, relating to love and life and all that, P is moving out to Chicago and will be missed. I often times feel like I'm aware of things, but then things change and I feel like I'm off-pace. Things are constantly shifting around me but me, I am stagnant.

Georgia O'Keeffe -- Special (1916-1917)

The vibes at Agora were okay. It's a coffee place sitting on the corner of Westheimer and Dunlavy. It's got this hard brick exterior with 'Agora' written in a Greek Dafont font on the front, the interior is completely wooden and latticed. Beams everywhere, probably mahogany or something. On the walls are all these different kinds of Greek and Roman paraphanelia: statues, pictures of statues, artifacts (mostly fake), pictures of artifacts (mostly real). It's completely off-putting compared to the music that plays there. . .by God. . .what awful music. Late 2000's to Early 2010's indie uke music, stuff that only rears its head when in the recommended videos of a freshly made YouTube account in 2014. Seriously awful. The only real redeeming and charming quality of the place is the fact that there are people that go there, and those people are real people. Chess players, college students, couples who just want to be somewhere. The heat is real. It's also well air-conditioned.

We hung out with two of M's friends/family, a very brutish and humorous lesbian, and a woman with a nose job--it looked really good, very straight slope down. We talked about stuff with M, stuff I can't share, but it was an overall funny and happy experience! Whenever her friends/family were around when we were around, whether it be dinner parties or birthdays, there was always a distance held between the two groups (M's friends and M's family). The distance is closing.

James Ensor -- Cranes Fleuris (1909)

I'm desparate for the NBA Draft. It should come sooner, should come now. I want to see who we pick, it doesn't matter who I just want to see. A lot hay has been made for both Clingan and Sheppard, two guys that I'm not really familiar with, but out of the two, I think Sheppard might be a good pick for us. L thinks he's too short and a defensive liability, I say fuck the offense and pick a shooter. He's got a pristine jumper, and it'd be nice to have more than one guy on our team that can shoot.

Big hopes of Tari Eason and Sengun to be ultra-healthy next year. We could be real chip contenders within the next 5 years if nothing goes wrong!

world happenings

"The Israeli military (IDF) killed at least 39 Palestinians in airstrikes across northern Gaza on Saturday, one day after it killed at least 25 Palestinians in the supposed “safe zone” of al-Mawasi in southern Gaza. Saturday’s death toll appears to have resulted from the IDF’s attempt to kill Hamas’s Gaza City commander, Raed Saad. There’s no indication as to whether Saad was among the dead. The IDF killed at least eight Palestinians on Sunday in a strike on a United Nations Relief and Works Agency facility in Gaza City." -- Foreign Exchanges